Over My Head
by Vampiremizuki
Summary: What if when Bella got pregnant in Breaking Dawn, her and Edward’s relationship didn’t go so well? What would have happened? Why DIDN'T it go well? This is a version of what could happen after BD.
1. Prologue

What Happens after Breaking Dawn? A version of something that could...

--

I wanted to tell Edward how much I loved him and the reason why I wanted to keep my baby. Our baby. It was so unlike him to act the way he has; I was thankful to Rosalie who now protects me.

_Rosalie, please, get my baby out safe and take care of him if I don't make it._

"Bella, are you alright? Bella?" Rosalie's murmurs were distant.

"I'm okay." I lied, turning my eyes to Edward who was beside me, agony written all over his flawless face.

"Good. That's good." Rosalie agreed to herself, clasping my sweaty, moist hand tighter. The dark room was illuminated by a single cold light in the far corner. It makes sense, none of the Cullens would need it. I didn't need it, because I could already see the angel beside me clear as day.

"Let it go." I whispered to Edward, forcing my strained voice with the little energy left in me.

He grimaced, his face appearing too sad for his perfect lips to say anything back, but he did. "I'm sorry. This is all my fault, I did this to you Bella. I'm the worst kind of monster."

"Oh Edward." Rosalie rolled her eyes, baring her teeth at Edward. Her hands were smooth and cold; they felt nice.

"But Edward, we're going to be parents. We're going to be so hap―" My lips stopped on their own will as the baby began moving again. I stopped breathing for a moment, waiting for the pain to slow.

Edward clasped my free hand and with his other hand, he wiped my forehead and cheeks. I could feel my skin aching and wanting for his touch. I could only feel so much, mostly pain and confusion because for a moment, I had no clue where I was.

"I love you, Forever and ever." Edward's soft, angelic whisper hit my ear. If I had the energy to blush, I would.

"Forever." I whispered, trying not to cry from the pain.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One:

Five Years Later

"That's it Bella, you're taking a vacation." Rosalie's growls were heard throughout the house.

"Esme, honestly… I'm…" I drifted off into thought in the middle of the sentence, my eyes closed as I lay in Edward's old bed in the Cullen Home, inhaling in the smell of him. That happened a lot now.

Renesme walked in, hand in hand, with Jacob. Her Jacob.

"Oh Bella." Jacob left her side and rushed to mine. "As much as I disapprove of the eh, drinking blood hobby, you need it… you're dying." Jacob squeezed my already numb hand, eyeing Renesme protectively. Renesme, the beautiful daughter of ours, product of our love, Edward. Why did you have to be taken away from me? "Bella, you're dying… Don't do this to your family."

Jacob's words hit me with a million bloody years of anguish, the years I didn't have but would have. "Jacob… why didn't you stop him?" At this point, even werewolf blood seemed pretty good.

"If we would have both… then you two would have been left unprotected." Jacob frowned, Renesme running her delicate fingers through his long mess of hair.

"No Jacob… You were afraid that you would have left Renesme unprotected." I grinned sourly, turning my eyes towards then two figures entering the door.

"Oh Alice, welcome home. Jasper, I hope your trip was enjoyable." Carlisle smiled.

Jasper snorted. "If anything, it was everything but that. Alice had trouble with her visions. Every ten minutes 'Bella's going to die!'" He paused. "We're taking Bella on a vacation… It's been three years."

"What if Alice would have died? Would you be dating again after a few weeks?" I said in a low, careful voice.

"It's been three years, not three weeks. Bella, get up or we're making you."

My jaw clenched. "You and what Army?" A small moan escaped my lips as Jacob's hot skin touched against mine.

"Rosalie, you packed didn't you?" Jasper exchanged a long glance with the beautiful blond vampire.

Rosalie nodded. "Alice called a few hours ago." Everyone's eyes turned to me.

Emmett nodded, approaching me. "And a Car?" He grinned. "I don't think Bella will appreciate a good run."

Carlisle stepped forward, Esme beside him. Her face was struck with worry. "Everything is ready," Carlisle tossed a pair of keys at Jasper, "Take care of her." He added, staring down at Esme passionately.

They were in love and it could make anyone cry by just staring. If only I had that small escape. If only I could just sleep.

"Let it go." Rosalie repeated hesitantly. "Bella, let it go." She repeated the words I'd once given Edward.

"Isle Esme." Carlisle muttered. "Go." He said to Emmett with worry.

I closed my eyes and remembered the blur of the last time I'd been there.

"Let's go Bella." And with that, Emmett lifted my limp body off the bed and raced downstairs.

--

I'd imagined this. A million times if not a billion…

The bright, tropical colors of the beautiful island looked lifeless though my eyes. Just like me. The beautiful aquatic color of the water and the translucent, clear sand around the shore was the same; my eyes weren't. Was it possible that I had problems? That was obvious. The isle was gorgeous, wild arrays of trees and plants that I'd only seen in my reminiscences; blurry but precious. The short speeded time I had with my love will be always carved in my heart.

Jasper pulled on my arm, my suitcase in his other hand. He too was worried to some extent I imagine.

Emmett went ahead of us and opened the sliding doors of the room that Edward and I shared when we first came here. It had not changed at all.

My legs were irresponsive and limp, barely being able to keep me standing. My eyes were numb and clouded as were my thoughts; Jasper was still holding my arm tight, and if I were human I was sure it would have bruised, at the very least.

Emmett and Jasper exchanged a long look and began muttering things to each other. I stood there, remembering the first morning.

_His eyes tightened. "How badly are you hurt, Bella? The truth―don't try to downplay it."_

If only I could remember it like a picture clear movie instead of this awful blur. The way Edward would. My Edward, my love, my reason to live.

Realization struck me. "I have no reason to live!" I whispered to myself under my breath.

"Bella." Both Emmett and Jasper whispered apologetically.

My body was now irresponsive; it fell limply across the smooth flooring of the bedroom.

Edward… Why can't I even hear your voice? That made me completely sure you were gone. At that instant, the memory of the last time we had together popped into my head.

_I held on tight to my daughters hand, hoping for it all to end. Edward stood beside me, clearly hiding something to himself. _

"_Edward, don't." Rosalie said, anguish written all over her picture perfect face. _

"_Please Edward." Alice begged as they stood their ground, the Volturi guard getting ready to attack._

"_What are they talking about?" I asked, confused and impatient. Edward? What are they talking about?_

"_Nothing, love." Edward smiled apologetically at me, steadying himself as he swiftly made his way close to me. Renesme drifted towards Jacob, her eyes sad. _

"_Edward," I begged, "W-what are they talking about?" My eyes were wide. He smiled his angelic, heart melting crooked smile. My head began to spin and all suddenly he brought his lips to mine passionately and hurriedly. He'd only kissed me two times before this way… "What…?" I couldn't bring my lips to do anything. My arms wrapped around him, not letting go. _

"_They need someone to punish." Edward lowered his milky stare down at me as he kissed me again, this time lovingly. "Promise me you'll take care of our daughter." Edward's face went blank. _

_At that moment, a pained and hurt noise began rolling out of my throat. I was screaming. _

"_Let me go Jasper!" I screamed a screeching, ear numbing yell, yelping and sobbing hysterically. "Let me die with him!" I began snapping at Jasper, only to be held back by Emmett, Jacob and Carlisle too. "I love you Edward! Please don't do this to me!"_

_The last glance he shot at me was so loving that it seemed to stop time. It stopped the chaos and everything around us. I pleaded. "Please?" _

"_I love you." He mouthed. _

"_Please…?" I pleaded with every ounce of my soul._

_His face turned gloomy, his eyes closing apologetically. "Let it go." He muttered, walking towards the Volturi guard. _

_I blinked my eyes which seemed to water, but wouldn't cry. I couldn't, but I was dying inside with every step he took._

_When I opened my eyes again, I could see them surrounding him swiftly, lounging themselves at him savagely as tearing noises filled the air. I could see Jane laughing, smiling in contentment. She was making him suffer more by using her ability. _

_I could see the raging fire now, the purple smoke sneaking around the dark cloaks of these monsters and headed toward me. I struggled in the hands of these four men, who I no longer recognized and had no faces. _

_As soon as the smoke reached me, I lounged myself. My teeth sank into her neck, an ear screeching noise coming from her. The Volturi guard stepped back, watching as I dismembered Jane limb my limb until all that was left was the pile of smoke and ashes. _

_I could hear the surprised gasps of everyone surrounding us; the Amazon Coven, the Denali Coven, the Egyptian coven, the Irish Coven, the Romanian Coven and the European and American nomads. _

_All joined up to watch for the second time in history, some to fight, some for both. I could hear Stephen and Vladimir cheering, enjoying my rage and my pain. I could hear Esme's sobs as she watched one of her children burn into ashes, the other murder savagely. I'm sorry Esme._

"_Jane is dead!?" Marcus screamed at Aro accusingly._

"_A life for a life." Aro agreed as he turned towards Carlisle apologetically. "We have no more business here." _

"_I'll kill you!" I growled, baring my teeth at each and every one of them. Immediately, I felt a pair of warm hands around my upper waist. Seth…_

"_Let's go Bella?" He asked. I knew what he was thinking… 'Don't put the others in danger, like he said… a life for a life.'_

_I collapsed on my knees, staring at the smoke that was Edward, clenching my teeth in pain. I began dry-sobbing into Seth's shoulder._

"Oh Bella…" Jasper shook his head, picking my limp body from the wooden floorboards, hysterical, low cries and yelps escaping my lips.

"If heaven could cry for you, it'd be crying blood." He said as if to himself. "You'll be okay… just rest for tonight." He lay my body down on the enormous bed, my head on a soft pillow. "I know you can't sleep… but just relax. Think of happy things." I could feel a wave of calmness spread over my anxious, lifeless body. The sobs stopped escaping my lips, my eyes feeling creamy and watery.

"Here bro." Emmett handed Jasper a blanket and threw it over me, covering me. I didn't object.

I closed my eyes, wanting to cry.

"We'll take care of you, sis." I could feel Emmett's huge body against me on my left. "Don't worry about anything, Jasper will be here all night." I knew what Emmett meant. Unfortunately, controlling my emotions and calming me down wasn't enough, my pain was too much. I moved my arm and I could feel another body on my left; Jasper.

"Just meditate, it's like sleeping." I could feel Jasper's breath hit against my shoulder.

"Wow, my own personal prison guards." I murmured lifelessly.

"Is this humor I'm sensing?" Emmett teased, running his large hand through my hair as my eyes closed.

I sighed. "I feel terrible; I'm now taking you two away from your wives for who knows how long. Just to babysit your psychotic sister?"

"We offered. Believe it or not, we were really worried. Alice would have driven you to suicide and Rosalie wouldn't be as great at being a protective big brother like me." Emmett cheered, his voice a whisper. I could feel the night breeze enter the room. Of course they wouldn't need to close it, who would steal from two scary, gorgeous vampires?

"I wish I could sleep. Or die." I muttered in a low, cold tone. My voice wasn't mine anymore.

I could feel Edward's lips against mine when he wasn't there, I could feel his gentle caress against every part of me when no one was touching me, I could hear a blurry memory of his beautiful voice when the night was silent.

I cannot ever forget the way I feel right now, I could never.

"Over my smoking heap and pile of ashes, Bella, we're not losing you. You just need a distraction." Emmett thought out loud.

I cringed.

Jasper sighed, getting closer to me. "What he's _trying _to say is that you're one of the most important people in our lives. If something happens to you, Esme… you're her daughter and she suffers every day she has to see you that way." He paused. "She already lost a son; do you want to drive her mad?"

I closed my eyes and imagined losing my daughter.

"I feel awful." I spoke, looking up at the dark ceiling illuminated by the darkness of the night.

"Well, we told Esme your progress was getting along." Jasper mused. "I told her you agreed to go snorkeling tomorrow."

"We might as well just call it diving. We don't need oxygen." Emmett contradicted.

Jasper chuckled. "The term is snorkeling."

"We told her that you agreed to go hunting tomorrow morning, first priority. You do know that your skin is Antarctic freezing water to smelting, smoking desert sand right?" Jasper chuckled.

"Huh, that's a really stupid metaphor." Emmett joked. Had they realized that I was squirming around?

Jasper grinned. "Says the one who almost failed English?" The moonlight bounced off his features.

"You lied? Fine. I'll do whatever horrible things you have planned for me… for Esme's sake." I sighed bitterly. "On one condition." I raised an eyebrow.

―To Be Continued―

--

Q: Why didn't it work out?

A: Edward died protecting his family. :(

--

Please Review.

Preview of Chapter Three:

_If I had the energy to smile, I would. I had my two older brothers beside me, protecting and caring; disappointing everyone was too much weight added on my guilt record. I figured I would figure out a way to end my suffering sooner or later, but I'd make sure that everyone was happy. _

_No lose ends, not a single black mark on my guilt record; everyone happy._


	3. Chapter Two

**Bella's POV**

All I can do is keep breathing, to keep all the memories shut tight inside my mind; no one would rob me of them… Not unless they could bring me the thing I wanted most back; Edward.

How dare you? I asked myself, looking out into the stormy weather that was gently forming at the heart of the ocean, making the beautiful clear aqua-marine waters mix and blur with sand, crabs and lobsters, sea turtles and fish, collecting themselves neatly surrounding their ocean; some in the white, crystalline sands and some inside the shallow prevarication of the water.

I held my breath for a few minutes, feeling my tear ducts aching for just one tear-filled tantrum, a sob that would never come no matter what I was; I was a vampire, without my soul. My soul had moved on with Edward and I think he knew it more than anyone from where he was watching.

"Edward!" I shouted incredulously as the wind formed around my bare, pallid figure, the sea sprays and droplets from the sky hitting hard against my face, my hair… all contributing to making my heart believe that Edward could hear me. "You think I'm crazy too," I sobbed, creasing my forehead with narrowing eye lids, "I know you can hear me… let me be with you, please…" I begged, but received no response other than the howling of the quiet waves, the palm trees swaying rhythmically as each droplet hit my skin.

I stopped breathing and closed my eyes, hoping I could be human, just so I'd be worthy. For the reason I fear of leaving this horrible place is because I know I won't end up in heaven with my bronze-haired angel; I didn't deserve to after letting him die, watching him die such a morbid death… not being able to stop it.

"Bella!" Emmett called out angrily, trying to pull me from my stance as my eyes faced the ocean. Could I get lost in the ocean? With enough salt water, would I die? There wasn't a signed confirmation saying it wasn't possible.

"What did you do!" Alice's husband's voice rang loudly and irately in my ear, hoarse and confused. He wasn't asking anyone, at least not anyone he could see.

Emmett automatically changed his tone. "She fell, the hurricane is… she's delusional!" Emmett growled.

Obnoxiously annoying sounds were making me want to cover my ears and scream… but I had the sensibility to notice I was the one creating them.

**Third person POV**

Emmett and Jasper stood a few feet away from the brown-headed god-like porcelain doll frozen in time, as she sat on the ground, looking up at the gray, stormy skies that seemed to get more violent with every tearless sob she released.

They turned away with worry as Bella's head shot up, another hoarse sob erupting from her lips as she raised her delicate-looking hand into the hair, as if caressing another's. Love filled her actions, and Jasper could feel it.

**Bella's POV **

I could hear my lullaby for the first time in who knows how long, but Edward was humming it. I was imagining Edward turning from his musical stance in his living room, his eyes flashing from the ivories as he sent me his bone-chilling godly crooked smile, his eyes sympathetic and full of undying emotion.

Because that was it; all Edward had to his name was a gravestone that wouldn't have his ashes… but he also had my love, my soul and my whining heart.

"No more of this, Bella!" His voice rang in the background like a memory; they were hallow for the first few times he shouted them until the voice started whispering them.

In less than a millisecond in time, I could feel another's touch against my own, another body against mine too.

A cooing shriek escaped my lips as I hesitated, feeling something pull against my wet, cold and dripping bangs. Edward, you _are_ here, one hand against my heart, trying to pump some life and sense into me.

Feeling lips against my own, content filling the emptiness I'd felt, I wanted to open my eyes to see his honey eyes that would melt my own from the cold they've been exposed to.

The touch disappeared as quickly as it came. I quickly opened my eyes hurriedly and hyperventilating, regretting ever wanting to open them if it meant losing him again.

"I'm sorry! I'll close my eyes again, Edward! Please, come back!" The sobs quickly erupted from my chest, the freezing hurricane waters crawling and spawning from the sand and towards my feet. I store at the ground for a long time, despondently and sobbing as the foam touched my feet. I could feel his icy breathe hit against my ear, hearing him tell me what he wanted me to do. I didn't seem to pay attention to his words as much as his voice itself.

Lifelessly, I collapsed my body onto the sand and gaped up as identified figures approached me.

'Thank you, Edward.' Jasper mouthed, staring out onto the raging, violent ocean waves with a faint glint of hope visible in his golden eyes.

Emmett nodded to himself, smiling down at me.

'I know how you feel.' I could hear Edward repeating these simple words over and over again, each time lower and yet more impacting.

My face was still for what seemed like hours.

**Third person POV**

…until a small, ironic smile made its way onto Bella's flawless face; her eyes did not comply.

**Emmett's POV**

When we managed to bring Bella back inside, the slightly chill of the ocean creeping up on everything made Bella delusional. For a second back there, I thought I could almost see Edward kissing her… I was going insane.

Jasper laid her down on the bed, frowning and tending to her like his own baby sister. In a sense, she was just that to him and me; we had to admit sooner rather than later that Bella's life was her own. We were stopping her from happiness, and Edward was too.

_Edward, she wants to be with _you_, not us. Damn it. _

"Bella, honey, are you okay? That looked pretty bad…" Jasper's face was clueless; he had no experience when dealing with emotional women. I actually imagine that he's the "Emotional woman" in his relationship… at least to me it looks that way. I've never seen Alice sad a day in her life.

"Jasper, you remember what Edward told you on that day he… on the day he…" She stopped, quickly staring up at me as threw a blanket over her wet body and reached for her hands. She wondered at what my hands meant, and she hesitantly turned away.

I frowned, making my way to the next room.

"Bella, this isn't healthy!" Jasper's screams were heard through the thin walls of the house.

"How the fuck do you know what's healthy, huh?! Happy-go-Jasper with your fucking emotion-controlling powers; damn you to hell, you fucking empathetic!"

Bella finally snapped. I could feel it and I sure as hell knew Jasper could. The real battle began now.

--


End file.
